Still Waiting. Also, Almost Sold Out. Both Things Are True.
On the art of waiting, self-producing, and 1194 days of meditation that may or may not be working.
If you've ever tried to stay calm while waiting for someone else to decide the fate of something you made, this one's for you.
I’ve poured five years into a play. Written it, composed it, orchestrated it. Handed it to the people with the power to produce it.
And now I wait.
I’m not good at waiting. Within about forty eight hours I had already announced to my family that I should probably start an Etsy store selling dog treats. My husband’s response was immediate and flat: “Don’t start a website.” Fine. Dream killer.
So I wait.
Except I’m Not Just Waiting
Because while I’m waiting to hear about the play, I have a concert to produce. Completely self-produced, at a fairly large theater, almost sold out.
I want to be clear about what self-produced actually means because I don’t think most people know. It means I booked the venue and took on all the financial risk personally. Purchased event insurance. Did all the marketing and sales myself, this time focusing less on social media and more on actual human community connection. Chose the material. Booked and rehearsed with the musicians. Organized charts into section parts, which I had never done before and which involved an organizational complexity I genuinely struggle with.
The goal is to make all of that look easy.
It is not easy. That’s why most people don’t do it.
But I’m growing up. My body revolts when I panic-produce and I literally cannot do that anymore. So this time I took more time. I allowed for a more intentional approach. And it’s working.
The Real Work
And then it’s back to waiting on the play. Seasons are being decided right now and I want to be one of the ones picked. I’m saying the quiet part out loud.
This is where the real internal work begins. Because there’s no point in worrying. The outcome will be the same regardless of whether I spiral or stay calm. This is what 1194 days of meditation is supposed to help with.
Yes, I brag about that. A lot.
And yes, I have panicked twice, okay maybe three times, at ten minutes before midnight when I suddenly remembered and shouted something unprintable, woke up my entire household, and raced to my room to keep my streak alive. I acknowledge that might mean I’m missing some of the point. But I’m still the one with 1194 days. So.
The concert will happen. The play will or won’t get picked up. I’ll keep making things either way.
That’s not resignation. That’s just what this life looks like from the inside.
One thing at a time. One pearl on the string.
Still waiting. Mostly okay.
Molly’s Current Obsessions A little treat for making it to the end.
📖 Reading: Mind Your Body by Nicole Sachs. Practical, honest, and genuinely useful if you deal with chronic pain or anxiety.
Also re-reading The Wisdom Pattern by Richard Rohr because some books you just have to keep coming back to.
🎧 Listening: In Your Own Backyard: The Kristin Smart Story. Late to this one but it did not disappoint.
✨ Wildcard: Moises app. Recommended by one of my voice students. Lets you play any song in any key, at any speed, removes vocals and instruments, and will give you the chord structure just by listening. Life changing for rehearsing.
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